The Many Faces of Islam

I heard this some time ago as I was driving in my car listening to the radio.

An old gentleman (I didn't get his name) was telling a radio host about his life. He had been born in a distant country, because his father, an Irishman, had been posted there by his government.

When he was six, his parents moved to Northern Ireland and he was to start school there. It was in the early 60's, in the time of The Troubles.

He got his school uniform and went to school. When he came home his father was waiting for him.

"So, how did it go?", he asked. "It was OK", his son said. "And your new friends?", his father wanted to know. "They were OK, only they asked me all time whether I was a Catholic or a Protestant. I didn't know what to answer. You are a Catholic and Mum is a Protestant. What do I tell them?".

His father thought about it for a while. Not wanting his son to get into trouble, he came up with a solution: "You tell them you're a Muslim!".

He went to school the next day, and again his father was waiting for him to hear the news, when he came back from school.

"So, what did the other kids say, when you told them you are a Muslim?", he asked, eager to know if his solution had worked.

It hadn't quite. They were still not satisfied. What they had said was,"Well, you're a Muslim, that's fine. But we want to know if you are a Catholic Muslim or a Protestant Muslim?".

It's there for a reason

Do you remember how, as a child, you tried to find out how the world surrounding you functioned? You pushed a handle to open a door, you flipped a switch to turn on the light, you pushed the pedals on your tricycle to make it move forward.

Sometimes, however, you would not get it all right at once. In our toilet there was a string you had to pull, when you had finished your business. This released the water in the cistern above and made quite an impressive sound. My mother would always remind us children never to forget to pull that string, when we were finished. Maybe because we were a large family in a small house with only one toilet, I had come to understand that the reason for doing that was to let the others hear that now you were finished and the toilet was free.

You grow older and wiser, and then suddenly one day, embarrassingly late in life, I realised that the reason for pulling the string was quite a different one.

The other day I was overhearing my two nephews taking about a concert their parents had taken them to. Classical music with an enormous orchestra and you had to sit still, because it was very solemn and people were dressed in their best clothes.

There had, of course, also been a conductor waving his baton in the air, while the music played. The youngest one wanted to know what the purpose of the conductor and his baton was, since he was not making any music.

Fortunately his older - and wiser - brother knew the answer. "He's there so that when he stops waving his baton about, the deaf people at the concert will know it's time to clap their hands."

A Fate Worse than Death

Anne and Marius celebrated their Golden Anniversary, 50 years of marriage!!!

50 years is a long time. In the future many people will have been through several marriages in that span of time. But not so in Anne and Marius' generation. You stuck with what you got and tried to make the best of it. You had made a vow in front of God in a time when religion was about faith and not ideology.

Theirs had not always been an easy life. First a small farmstead with hard work from dawn to evening. Then factory work for Marius and, when the kids had left home, also for Anne.

They had made it, though, and were now enjoying old age together in a small house.

The big day was celebrated with friends and family. Lots of photographs were taken. 

The local newspaper was there, and the young female reporter asked Anne: "Did you never think of divorce in all those years?".

Anne thought for a while. "I sometimes thought of killing him", she said. "But of divorce, never!".

Camel Seen Through the Eyes of Others

Joe, the American, moved to the Middle East.

He had a good job in a bank, lived in a nice bungalow with a nice swimming pool just outside town, and in general enjoyed his new life.

He did not know anything about the local people, though. He would like to get a bit closer to them and their way of life, so he bought himself a camel and rode it to work in the morning and to his home in the evening.

Everything went well for a while, but one morning the camel wasn't there. It had been stolen.

He went to the police to report the matter, hoping they could him get his stolen camel back.

"What was the colour of your camel?", the police officer asked Joe.

"Well, let me think. Grey or brown or green or something. Actually, I haven't really noticed."

"Did it have one or two humps?"

"Well", Joe hesitated. "I haven't really paid attention to that. You know I just threw my saddle over the back and rode it."

"Was it a male or a female camel?", the officer asked in desperation.

"It was a male", came the prompt answer from Joe.

The officer looked at him in amazement. "How come you know the sex of the camel, as you seem to know nothing else about it?"

"Well that's easy", Joe said. "When I ride down high street every day, I see people pointing and hear them say "look at the dick on that camel!!"".

Rationing may Dammage Your Health

Some people are stubborn. Some people are very stubborn and will hold on to their rights no matter what. My Grandfather was of the latter type - I have been told so by several of his ten children.

He died when I was twelve. He was then in his early eighties. It was at the time when people first started talking - although incredulously - of the possible damaging health effect of smoking.

I had never seen my Grandfather smoke and I asked my Dad if he ever did.

- Well, he did when he was young. Then he stopped when your Aunt Augusta was born - it was too expensive. Then he smoked again from the beginning of the Second World War until 1949.

- Was it because of the war that he started?, I wanted to know.

- I guess you can say that, my Dad answered. You see, tobacco and a lot of other things were rationed during the war. You got coupons you had to hand in, when you bought something, and so you could only buy small quantities, especially of goods like tobacco and coffee. Your Grandfather didn't like other people to get what he was entitled to so he smoked while the rationing was in force and stopped when it was over.

- So don't always stand on your right, he warned me, it might not always be for your own good.

Wanted: Professionals

I was out walking the dog in the early afternoon and came across my Uncle Jack. He was evidently in a good mood and he was smiling.

"I had a stroke of good luck today", he said. "You know the two Persian rugs we got for my second wedding. I have been looking for a long time for some professional cleaners. There are so many around, who don't know how to do it properly, and I don't want them ruined."

"But this morning a saw a van in front of my neighbour's house. Two men were loading a few rugs into the back. I went over to talk to them. They had just set up business, had been properly trained in the right methods of cleaning valuable rugs, and know they had started a small business in a town nearby. They talked professionally about the quality of the rugs, and I decided that those were the men I needed for having my rugs cleaned. They were very friendly and agreed to take my rugs with them right away. I went to my house to get them and put them into the car. They will be ready in two days, and the will be brought to my house without any extra charge. It is nice to come across some real professionals."

I walked on, and came across Uncle Jack's neighbour. He was evidently not in a good mood. 

"What is this world coming to", he asked. "You can't even leave your house for a couple of hours in broad daylight. I went to the bank today, was away for a maximum of two hours and when I came back, my house had been burgled. They must have been professionals. All my oriental rugs have been taken - nothing else."

I should be phoning Uncle Jack, but I keep putting it off.