It's not just about the Computer

I was helping my daughter with her computer. Buying a program on line and installing it. Everything seemed to go smoothly, that is until the program was installed and we wanted to try it out. We had to enter a code - and the code provided did not work. What a nuisance. Shut down, reinstall - still no access to the program. We tried this and we tried that till we no longer remembered what we had tried. I think you have all had that experience.

Last resort. We had to call Support. I dread calling these helplines - but what can you do. I had a cup of coffee and a cigarette to brace myself up and dialled the support number.

Press 1, if you want assistance in French, press 2, if you want ........ etc.

And after that I got through right away. But that wasn't the only surprise. A sympathetic female listened patiently to my description of the problem. She asked calmly in clear and perfect English about some further details. She was given remote access to my computer (after politely informing me about the implications of this). Then she explained what she was doing as she competently went through some settings and account statuses. It turned out, as I believe is usually the case, that I - i.e. the client - had not paid enough attention to the details and had tried to open an older, preinstalled and not-activated version of the same program.

The problem was soon solved and she offered to help with default settings for some of the programs. Great.

Even those of you who are not and has never been married know that to help others solve a problem all too often implies impatiently letting them know how stupid they are.

But not so this time. The whole session took place in a calm, professional and friendly atmosphere. I had the feeling she was genuinely interested in helping me solving my problem. She made my day. Competence counts.

I felt in a good mood. I decided - against my inner nature and guiding principles - to be nice to everybody (at least for the rest of the day and maybe the first part of tomorrow). "Moien!", I said to everybody when I was out bicycling in the afternoon. (Moien is Luxembourgian for It's a beautiful world, I love you, have a nice day!). 

So Moien to all of you.

That's what happens when you come across friendly and competent people.

Microsoft rules! Long live big corporations.

NB! I hope they give her a big banker's bonus. Bill Gates would have done worse without people like her.

Cheating

"Hi handsome! Do you want to come home with me?", she asked. "You look so sexy. We could have some fun and make love. Come on now! it will be so great". 

"She" was a gorgeous girl. Blond, sexy and at least 20 years younger than me. And she came up to me just like that, when I was walking in a street downtown. The unimaginable suddenly became imaginable.

"I'm sorry", I said. "I am married, and I love my wife very much, and I would never cheat on her. You are a very beautiful girl, though, and I'm sure you will have no problem finding somebody else, even somebody younger and more handsome. But thank you for asking, I do feel a bit flattered. I wish you a very pleasant day. Enjoy the lovely weather."

She then laughed and told me that everything was being recorded by a hidden camera. Someone was trying out how sexual harassment would work if applied by females on males, and not in the more common opposite direction. And it was going to be shown on television if I accepted. I accepted without hesitation.

I told Uncle Jack about it. "Wow", he said, "that's the perfect answer for a hidden camera. You were lucky. I'm glad I wasn't there. It could have been embarrassing. But it doesn't sound like you, what happened."

I had to admit that I had been having a coffee at a cafe opposite and had seen the crew at work.

"That's cheating", he said.

April by the Fire

April sat down by the fire. She was soon joined by by June and May. July came, followed by August. February, January, September, beautiful October, November, March and December also turned up and sat down by the fire.

 

This was an official meeting. The only point on the agenda was to divide the year between the ladies present. A long a tedious debate followed. At long last an agreement was reached. June got the days of many hours of sunshine, July and August got the days of hot weather, October the days of falling leaves, December the much loved Xmas season, etc. etc.

 

They were about to leave, when they noticed that April sat sleeping by the fire. She had been asleep for a long time, and no days had been allocated to her. She was very upset, but May promptly offered her three of her own days. The others followed suit, and all offered her a few days from their own month and soon she had a full month of her own.

 

And that's the April that we have come to know and love.

Parental Guidance

James was twelve years old. One day, walking home from school, he saw that new posters had been put up everywhere. On lamp posts, on walls and in the shop windows. They were bright and colourful and they announced that a travelling show would visit town for two weeks. Cowboy Girls - The Hottest Show on Road the posters proclaimed. And there were pictures of beautiful horses and young suntanned, blond girls.

 

That night at dinner he asked his parents if he could go and see the show. "No!" his dad said, "it's not something for you. You would see things you ought not see."

 

James, of course, was disappointed, and for the next couple of days he pleaded with his parents for a ticket to the show. But his dad was adamant: "No, you would see things you ought not see."

 

However, being a resourceful young man, James managed to get a free entrance by helping carrying seat and benches into the big tent, when the travelling show arrived in town. And he went to see the show. Only trouble was, that one of the neighbours had seen him go in and had told his parents.

 

Dinners were quite silent for a couple of days. One evening after dinner his mother, however, said that maybe it wasn't all that bad after all. "And what did you see, that you ought not see?", she asked with the curious smile of a mother following her son's advance from a child to an adolescent. 

 

James looked down. "I saw Dad", he said quitely.

Harassment at Work

This story goes back to the 60s.

 

The economy was on the up. The consumer society was under way, and people started spending after the meagre immediate post war-years.

 

Many young people saw an opportunity. One of them was Tim. He soon realised that a television set would be a must in all homes in the years to come, and he raised money in the bank to set up a shop in High Street. Televisions, radios and records.

 

Business was good, more than good. Tim The Telly Man his shop was named. Soon he had to employ extra staff, the shop was extended and he became the symbol of the modern entrepreneurial man in town. And he got himself a fast and fancy new estate car for deliveries to customers. You just saw the back of Tim The Telly Man, it said in big bright letters on the back of the car. Thinks were moving fast.

 

One thing wasn't moving so fast, though. It was Tim's father. At that time I worked in a furniture factory in town, and one of my fellow workers was Tim's old man. He was not in the production line properly speaking, but moved around the shop floor to do the odd jobs of cleaning, small repairs and applying a few drops of oil or a bit of grease to the machinery. And he didn't move fast. Not at all.

 

One day I noticed a grin on the other workers' faces, when Tim's father was in the vicinity.  When he slowly made his way past where I was standing, I found out why. A sheet of paper had been taped to his back: You just saw the back of Tim The Telly Man's Dad, it said in big bright letter.

 

This shows that harassment at work goes back at least to the days of black and white television, if not further, and that behind every son - sometimes far behind - there's a father.

You are going to die soon

An elderly couple turned up at the doctor's. The man had not been feeling well for some time, and his wife had persuaded him to come along to see a doctor.

 

The doctor examined the man. It was a thorough examination, and the doctor looked a bit worried. He prescribed some medicine and wished him good luck.

 

The wife took the doctor aside. "I want to know the truth", she said. "Will he make it?".

 

"It's a very rare and serious condition", the doctor said. "It doesn't look good at all. There is one chance, however. If you try to make his life pleasant he might make it. Let him eat good steaks, don't make him do the dishes, don't take him shopping, let him watch soccer on the telly on Saturdays, let him have his afternoon nap in peace, and above all, don't nag him. And remember, if you don't follow my advice, he will probably die soon."

 

The couple drove home in silence. At dinner the man finally had enough nerve to speak about the visit to the doctor's. "I saw that you talked to him", he said. "Tell me what did he say?"

 

"Oh, Honey, it's so terrible. He said that you are going to die soon."