Worse to Come

We are back in 1793, in France. It is in the time of the French Revolution. People are being executed, and the means of execution is the guillotine. A cruel way of dying.

It's the wrong place and the wrong time to be an aristocrat. One of those have be apprehended and summarily sentenced to death by the guillotine.

The guillotine has been set up in town square and a crowd has gathered to watch the cruel execution.

The unlucky aristocrat is led to the guillotine by two men. As he makes his way up the seven steps to the platform where the guillotine is erected he stumbles and falls.

"This begins badly", he sneers.

The Right Timing

Bill had a small farm. He was doing well, but he had a problem with large flocks of crows on the farm. He decided to call in a specialist with a rifle to help him getting rid of them.

He found one advertising in the local phone book and called him. Things were arranged. He would come the next day and shoot the crows with his rifle. "What time will you be here?", Bill asked. "At 8 or 9 in the morning", he answered.

The next morning he arrived at the farm with his rifle at 8 in the morning. He was good. He shot a lot of crows, but did not manage to get them all, so they agreed he would come again the next day. "I will be here at 8 or 9", he said.

The next day he arrived at 8 in the morning and finished off the work. Then he sat down with Bill to have a cup of coffee. "You did a good job", Bill told him. "But I noticed that yesterday you put the rifle butt against your left shoulder, while today you put it against your right shoulder. How come?". 

"Well, you see", he answered, "when I wake up in the morning I look at my wife sleeping next to me. If she is sleeping on her left shoulder, I put the butt to my left shoulder. If she is sleeping on her right shoulder, I put it to my right shoulder."

"What if she is sleeping on her back?", Bill wondered.

"If she is sleeping on her back I come at 9", he said.

Always take a bomb

We are going on holiday, me and my wife. And we are going by plane. Normally we go by car, but  this year we are flying. I have always been a little bit afraid of flying. And after we ordered our holiday there have been several accidents and lots of lives have been lost. I am worried.

I talked to Uncle Jack about it.

- Don't worry, it's the safest way to travel, he said.

I was not convinced. I'm afraid a terrorist of some kind will be on board with a bomb.

- What's the probability of that? was his reaction. Think of the thousands of flights everyday. When did you last hear about a bomb on a plane? The probability of someone with a bomb on a plane is extremely small.

I must still have looked dubious, for he added:

- Bring a bomb yourself. The probability of two people bringing a bomb on the same plane is infinitesimal, it is almost non-existent.

Uncle Jack has a solution to every problem.